It's not about you, it's about us

"So you have never used a condom during intercourse?" I asked my friend. I have to admit, I was rather shocked and about to scream, cry or faint. I seriously hoped she was joking. But I tried to pretend I was calm, so that she would continue to confide in me, and tell me the rest of her story.

She smiled and said that she knew it was crazy, but nothing has happened to her (she is an invincible teenager.) I don't think it's crazy. I think it's stupid, irresponsible, and impossible to understand, but it still happens. She is not the only one to believe that "those things happen to other people", instead of “those things can happen to anyone, including me.”

Noticing my contained reaction, she said that she was eventually going to get tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases, and that pregnancy was not a problem; she would most likely get an abortion if she became pregnant. She also mentioned that after having been sexually active for a while, she hadn't noticed anything abnormal, nor had she missed any periods. Therefore, she believed that her chances of contracting Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), or becoming pregnant, were slim to none.

I started looking at my life, my family, my teenage years, high school parties, my ex-boyfriends, my habits and realized that I was responsible in many ways. Still, that does not mean I am safe from any harm, from any surprises. I started to analyze in that very second all the messages an attitude like hers were sending to the world.

A few weeks before that, I was waiting for the results of a blood test in a public hospital in Guatemala City, when a woman sitting besides me started crying while holding her one year old baby. They were waiting for their number to be called, so that both could get tested for HIV. She couldn't help it, she had to tell me or anyone what she was feeling. And what was I doing there? Waiting calmly for the results of my normal check-up, pretending there was a barrier between her and I.

Tears began to run down my face and I said goodbye to the woman and began looking for my friend who was picking-up the results for me. I was overwhelmed, and I did not want to know the results of her tests. I wanted so badly to close my eyes and open them in a world where people did not suffer.

I felt a mix of compassion and rage towards this woman. Possibly her baby was just suffering from a serious ear infection, but then if she feared that she might be infected with HIV, she should have thought about it before having the baby, or during her pregnancy. Then, I remembered how privileged I am, and have always been. I had a good education and my parents have always spoken clearly to me about sex and protection.

I remembered all of this, and then returned to the conversation with my friend. She knew about protection, she was well educated yet she still felt invincible. She gave me more and more reasons to justify not wearing a condom, so I asked her if she had ever asked one of her multiple partners if they had been tested for HIV. She said that the topic would be awkward, and normal people don’t do that.

I asked her if she knew about their past, their habits. She said,"Yeah, kinda." How could she know if the last four girls her ex-boyfriend had sex with were clean? I was starting to get really annoyed. I tried to convince her to take better care of herself. She said she thought sex without a condom was a lot more pleasing and that it was a little uncomfortable to stop everything just to put a condom on, plus her partners did not like to wear condoms.

She's probably not looking to fall in love with any of these guys. I personally do not think there is something wrong with messing around, but then who sets the rules? I would say both partners. Having sex does not involve only one person, therefore if she doesn’t feel comfortable with condom-less sex, she should stop it.

And if she suddenly feels monogamous and in love, why is she making excuses? She has no idea who else has had sex with her boyfriend. Love does not protect us from unwanted pregnancies or STDs, or even both. And I see the lack of protection as a lack of love and respect. But not only between partners. Can you imagine having a baby and realizing you have infected him or her as well?

My mind flew back to Guatemala, to the poor public hospital where this woman was desperately looking for comfort and I sincerely hoped the results were negative for both the baby and her. But I also wanted, and still want some of her anguish and fear to be shown around colleges, around high schools where a lot of us feel invincible and forget that more than 33 million people around the world are currently living with HIV. Some may know it and practice safe sex, and some may not.

Printed in: "The Ebbtide" - The student newspaper of Shoreline Community College - Volume 44 Issue 3 - November 7 - November 20, 2008

Un símbolo de esperanza

El Senador Barak Obama trae con su elección a la presidencia estadounidense este pasado 4 de Noviembre una gran esperanza; no solo a los Estados Unidos sino al mundo entero. No solamente por su color de pie que nos demuestra que las barreras del racismo estan empezando a romperse en un país predominantemente blanco, sino también por sus políticas más abiertas e igualitarias para con otros paises.

Es muy importante para las minorias el verse reflejados en un líder, el tener un modelo a seguir en puestos públicos y más aún como presidente de uno de los paises más poderosos del mundo. Pero el logro de la presidencia no ha sido del todo una batalla racial ya que Obama en muchos aspectos crecio como blanco en una familia de clase media y recibio educación privada en un colegio donde la mayoría era blanca. Culturalmente no pertenece por completo a estas minorias y esto a ayudado a la asimilación del candidato por parte de un gran número de estadounidenses.

Se podría decir que simbólicamente ha roto las barreras del racismo, pero su logro es mas que todo una muestra de tokenismo. Ha logrado subir al puesto más importante del gobierno porque sus ideas no difieren con aquellas de la cultura dominante, sus valores se han desarrollado alrededor de los mismos principios de la mayoría de ciudadanos estadounidenses y su imagén nos hace soñar con un mundo con opotunidades iguales para todos.

Ahora solo es cuestión de asimilar este símbolo de lucha e igualdad para lograr un cambio de perspectiva, para que las minorías se incluyan en la vida política del país y del mundo y poco a poco se vaya logrando cambios en el marco institucional para que no solamente sea un Obama, sino muchos otros líderes de grupos oprimidos como mujeres, asiáticos, latinos y homosexuales.

YES WE DID IT!

Illustration by David Gillet - for 'The Ebbtide" (http://shoreline.edu/ebbtide/0809/article.asp?issue=4403&id=98)