"So you have never used a condom during intercourse?" I asked my friend. I have to admit, I was rather shocked and about to scream, cry or faint. I seriously hoped she was joking. But I tried to pretend I was calm, so that she would continue to confide in me, and tell me the rest of her story.
She smiled and said that she knew it was crazy, but nothing has happened to her (she is an invincible teenager.) I don't think it's crazy. I think it's stupid, irresponsible, and impossible to understand, but it still happens. She is not the only one to believe that "those things happen to other people", instead of “those things can happen to anyone, including me.”
Noticing my contained reaction, she said that she was eventually going to get tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases, and that pregnancy was not a problem; she would most likely get an abortion if she became pregnant. She also mentioned that after having been sexually active for a while, she hadn't noticed anything abnormal, nor had she missed any periods. Therefore, she believed that her chances of contracting Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), or becoming pregnant, were slim to none.
I started looking at my life, my family, my teenage years, high school parties, my ex-boyfriends, my habits and realized that I was responsible in many ways. Still, that does not mean I am safe from any harm, from any surprises. I started to analyze in that very second all the messages an attitude like hers were sending to the world.
A few weeks before that, I was waiting for the results of a blood test in a public hospital in Guatemala City, when a woman sitting besides me started crying while holding her one year old baby. They were waiting for their number to be called, so that both could get tested for HIV. She couldn't help it, she had to tell me or anyone what she was feeling. And what was I doing there? Waiting calmly for the results of my normal check-up, pretending there was a barrier between her and I.
Tears began to run down my face and I said goodbye to the woman and began looking for my friend who was picking-up the results for me. I was overwhelmed, and I did not want to know the results of her tests. I wanted so badly to close my eyes and open them in a world where people did not suffer.
I felt a mix of compassion and rage towards this woman. Possibly her baby was just suffering from a serious ear infection, but then if she feared that she might be infected with HIV, she should have thought about it before having the baby, or during her pregnancy. Then, I remembered how privileged I am, and have always been. I had a good education and my parents have always spoken clearly to me about sex and protection.
I remembered all of this, and then returned to the conversation with my friend. She knew about protection, she was well educated yet she still felt invincible. She gave me more and more reasons to justify not wearing a condom, so I asked her if she had ever asked one of her multiple partners if they had been tested for HIV. She said that the topic would be awkward, and normal people don’t do that.
I asked her if she knew about their past, their habits. She said,"Yeah, kinda." How could she know if the last four girls her ex-boyfriend had sex with were clean? I was starting to get really annoyed. I tried to convince her to take better care of herself. She said she thought sex without a condom was a lot more pleasing and that it was a little uncomfortable to stop everything just to put a condom on, plus her partners did not like to wear condoms.
She's probably not looking to fall in love with any of these guys. I personally do not think there is something wrong with messing around, but then who sets the rules? I would say both partners. Having sex does not involve only one person, therefore if she doesn’t feel comfortable with condom-less sex, she should stop it.
And if she suddenly feels monogamous and in love, why is she making excuses? She has no idea who else has had sex with her boyfriend. Love does not protect us from unwanted pregnancies or STDs, or even both. And I see the lack of protection as a lack of love and respect. But not only between partners. Can you imagine having a baby and realizing you have infected him or her as well?
My mind flew back to Guatemala, to the poor public hospital where this woman was desperately looking for comfort and I sincerely hoped the results were negative for both the baby and her. But I also wanted, and still want some of her anguish and fear to be shown around colleges, around high schools where a lot of us feel invincible and forget that more than 33 million people around the world are currently living with HIV. Some may know it and practice safe sex, and some may not.
Printed in: "The Ebbtide" - The student newspaper of Shoreline Community College - Volume 44 Issue 3 - November 7 - November 20, 2008
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